Lost Blog Post [Sometimes...]

ok. you're right i hadn't been writing in my blog. and it wasn't just a "oh shoot! i forgot to write" it more started as "oh shoot i haven't written in a while. I still don't feel like I have anything to say though"
and i know i don't get a lot of hits, aka i know who the three people are who always read a posting. and yes those three people (you, obviously among them) are my best friends. and i intended the blog as a way to bring all of our ideas together. or to be like LOOK we are all not put totgether all the way. and that's ok!
but then sometimes i forget to pray
or i forget to look for things to say that happen at mass
or i dont write it down
or i dont think that you want to hear it. again, assuming that i have told it to you already

and i guess if i had remembered and the circumstances were right i could have written about the community conversations that i have been attending at st. agnes.because they have really been awesome, eye opening.
or that i am reading a book called good catholic girls tha i just started.
or even about abraham lincoln vampire slayer (which btw do you want that book cuz i have it and once is enough times for  a person to read this book.)


but there was one time last week that i wanted to write but then didnt.  and i didnt remember it until this sunday and when you had asked me about the blank blog.


What's that I hear?
sometimes...

Sometimes i forget to pray.  i forget how to pray i forget why i pray i just forget.  and then when that happens i find myself at mass just lookin around and being like, why am i here? not in the existential sense. but in the sense of why did i take the 2 to 3 hours it takes to get here and be here and leave from here.  Why am i physically in this space? other than because i like sitting next to erica?  and then i remember.  I remembered Tiffany. I remembered Jen. I remembered Julia. I remembered myself and struggling and trying to believe and trying to make it and trying to be ok and trying to not be hurt so much. damaged or otherwise.  I remembered that even though i dont know i wanted to bring all these people to Jesus and say hold us.  please just hold Tiffany.  please just Hold Jen. please comfort me. please hold Julia. And then the music came together and i looked up and saw the crucifix. and Jesus just looking down at Mary
and Erica sitting next to me and it was like
oh
i get it. you ARE already doing that.  you are already watching for my precious ones you are looking after them you are holding them dear to you cuz you KNOW them. intimately moreso than i could ever.  and i know you love them. and You are sitting there just waiting for me to look up so you could i could be overcome with emotion in the sense that you are there.  You are there and i forget that. a lot.  and when i don't forget that i don't know how to handle it.
and so i sit and sing the song and hold erica's hand and cry. 
because God is good,
all the time... and all the time (really) God is good!